10 Predictions for 2025

  • Snow Chaos at 2°C
    A light dusting of snow will paralyse the nation. Airports will close, trains will grind to a halt, and someone will inevitably post a photo of a snowflake on a train track. Meanwhile, skiers will find the “whiteout” hilarious and ski on the local golf course just to mock the situation.
  • The Great Thermos War
    A new outdoor trend will emerge: competitive thermos flask customisation. Expect heated debates over which flask keeps tea hottest during a winter hike. Bonus points if it fits neatly in your ski jacket.
  • Puffer Jacket Overload
    The puffer jacket arms race will hit new heights. British outdoor enthusiasts will collectively buy so many down jackets that geese will start protesting. Every après-ski bar in the Alps will become a sea of navy blue puffers.
  • The Year of the Emergency Sledge
    With every forecast of snow, Brits will panic-buy sledges like they did with toilet paper in 2020. The result? Skiers will have to dodge rogue sledgers on every snowy hill in the country.
  • Apocalypse by Cheese Toastie
    Every outdoor café in the UK will compete to create the most absurdly gourmet post-hike cheese toastie. Expect flavours like “truffle brie with caramelised snow crab” and prices that rival your ski lift pass.
  • Dry January on the Piste? Not Likely!
    British skiers will declare a “modified” Dry January while on ski holidays, conveniently deciding that mulled wine and après-ski cocktails don’t count because “it’s part of the culture.”
  • Ski Holiday Packing Gets Even More British
    Despite airlines enforcing tighter luggage limits, someone will always manage to pack an entire week’s supply of tea bags, a hot water bottle, and a small kettle for their chalet. Because you can’t trust the French to make proper tea.
  • Weather Whiplash Woes
    In true British style, a freak heatwave will strike just as ski season kicks off, leading to headlines like, “UK Snow Lovers Take to Dry Slopes as Alps Swelter at 15°C.” Cue disappointed skiers sipping lukewarm mulled wine at makeshift beer gardens in resorts.
  • The Great Waxing Debate
    Outdoor enthusiasts will still argue over whether to wax skis or snowboards themselves or pay someone to do it. A rogue YouTube tutorial will convince half the UK to try DIY waxing, leading to a boom in scorched dining tables.
  • Brexit Border Bingo Returns
    For those heading to Europe, post-Brexit travel chaos will inspire a new car game: “Border Queue Bingo.” Points are awarded for spotting disgruntled skiers, confiscated sandwiches, and that one person who forgot their passport.